how to be exceptional with people
Relationships can be our greatest assets. Our society depends on relationships for everything from intimate companionship to referrals for dog sitters. I truly believe that we open doors for one another, making our relationships a sure pathway to opportunity.
Why do some people get better opportunities than others? Why does it seem like some get all the breaks? Those are pretty philosophical questions, however I have found some simple approaches for relationships that have definitely led to greater opportunities. These are skills you can learn. These are skills you can improve upon, practice and develop. These are skills that can help you grow.
1. Be an active listener. People love to talk about themselves. Which likely means that you also light up like a Christmas tree when others ask you questions. If you want to be exceptional with others - simply listen. Talk less. Ask more. Simple prompts like “tell me more about that..” or “that seems super interesting, how did you get into that...” are great questions to start with. Another aspect of active listening is leaning in and engaging with your body language. It shows true interest and it makes others feel valued. Most people do the opposite - they lean in when talking about themselves and lean back when listening. This shows disengagement rather than interest.
2. Keep your word. This is so simple to hear but much harder to carry out. People who keep their word are trusted, depended on and valued. If you do what you say you are going to do, when you say you are going to do it, you will stand out. You will also be given more opportunities than others that have a pattern of being flippant with their commitments. If this is hard for you, start by keeping the commitments to yourself first. Something as simple as getting up as soon as the alarm goes off is keeping the commitment you made to yourself and your time.
3. Encourage. We live in a world that thrives on likes. Every view, like and comment is a dopamine hit that feeds our ego. However, at the end of the day, much of that is shallow and not truly life giving. In a world starving for real connection and true engagement, practice being a person that offers authentic encouragement to others. Sending a card in the mail stands out to people because it is a dying art. My encouragement to others is usually in conversation - it’s taking the time to notice something positive and pointing it out. “I loved how engaged you were with that clerk, you can tell she really felt seen. You are great at making people feel good.” It’s a simple observation of goodness and a deliberate practice of recognizing it. Try it!
4. Introduce yourself. It’s likely in social situations that everyone there is looking for someone else to make them feel like they belong. Even extroverts can feel uneasy in situations that are new. In these situations I push myself to be the first to introduce myself. I purposely approach people, offer a handshake or a hug if appropriate and dive right into questions. When you approach social situations with purpose, you’ll feel a sense of ease and so with the person or people you are engaging with. My goal is always to make others walk away thinking - she was the best part of that night. I really enjoyed connecting with her. If I talked about myself, I can guarantee this would not be their feeling. But if I ask questions and actively listen, I am pretty positive I can win them over.
These are simple things I do to help cultivate good relationships everywhere I go. You never know when you will need a favor, a referral, advice, or a friend. But one thing you do know, that at some point you will need all of that. Handling people well is one of the best ways to open doors to new and greater opportunities. Start practicing.